Who Will Win Batman's Heart?
by Windrises
Summary: The Riddler makes Batman participate in a game show. He claims that the winner will become Batman's girlfriend.


Note: Batman was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane and is owned by DC Comics.

Batman reported to the police station's rooftop and said, "I heard a rumor that the Riddler escaped."

Commissioner Gordon replied, "I'm afraid that this rumor is true."

Batman sighed and asked, "Did he give out any of his silly riddles?"

Commissioner Gordon handed Batman a piece of paper and said, "Here you go."

Batman read the riddle out loud, "Riddle me this: Where can you see everybody, but nobody can see you?" He thought about the answer for a brief moment and said, "When you're watching TV you can see all of the actors on screen, but they can't see you." Batman realized that the Riddler was breaking into one of Gotham's TV companies.

Batman started driving to the TV company while wondering what the Riddler was planning on doing. He knew that the Riddler was a big bragger so he figured that he was breaking into the TV company so he could brag to thousands of people who were watching the channel. However, Batman knew that Riddler was more than just a boastful fool. He was one of the smartest and sneakiest people that Batman had ever met so Batman suspected that Riddler had a more villainous plan in mind. He realized what the Riddler was planning after spending several minutes thinking. He made a few quick phone calls.

Batman burst into the TV company. He looked around and noticed that the people that were supposed to be running the TV company weren't there. The Riddler had them kidnapped.

The Riddler confidently walked up to Batman and taped him on the head. He said, "Greetings Batman. I'm glad that you were able to find out my riddle in time. I need to beat you up so you'll be ready for my new show."

Batman grumpily replied, "Any show starring you would instantly get cancelled."

The Riddler proudly responded, "I highly disagree with that." He used his cane to electrocute Batman. Batman wasn't expecting the Riddler to use the cane. He didn't get enough time to prepare for the attack. He passed out.

A half hour later Batman was tied up in chains. His face was covered with riddles that were super glued to his mouth so he couldn't talk. He looked around and saw a camera recording him. He realized that he was on the show that the Riddler was broadcasting.

The Riddler walked onstage and said, "Greetings everybody. I'm Edward Nygma, but call me the Riddler. I'm the host of a very special show called Riddle Me This: Who Will the Heart? Our first episode stars the dark knight of justice, Batman." Batman shook his fist at the Riddler.

The Riddler used his cane to hit Batman in the face and said, "We're going to be asking tonight's guests a bunch of my best riddles. Whoever gets the most riddles right will win Batman's heart. Batman will become so distracted with his new love life that he won't have time to solve my riddles anymore which will make me the smartest and most dangerous person in Gotham."

The Riddler had the guests walked onstage. Catwoman got onstage first. The Riddler said, "This is Selina Kyle, also known as Catwoman. She scratches up Batman chances of solving crimes without getting knocked out by kitty litter." The Riddler burst into laughter at his own joke while Batman and Catwoman both rolled their eyes.

Poison Ivy got onstage second. The Riddler said, "This is Pamela Isley, also known as Poison Ivy. She has a rivalry with Batman, but her true arch-enemies are people that close down plant stops." Poison Ivy angrily glared at the Riddler.

Talia al Ghul got onstage third. The Riddler said, "This is Talia al Ghul. She's beautiful for a ghoul." Talia facepalmed.

The three female guests sat down while the Riddler organized his clipboard of riddles. He faced the guests and said, "Riddle me this: Who is Batman's arch-enemy?" Riddler had such a big ego that he considered himself to be Batman's arch-enemy.

Catwoman said, "The Joker is Batman's arch-enemy."

Poison Ivy replied, "That seems like the most accurate answer."

Talia said, "I'll agree that's the best answer too."

The Riddler stubbornly replied, "I'm Batman's arch-enemy." Batman and the others rolled their eyes.

The Riddler said, "Riddle me this: What is Batman's real name?" Riddler looked at Batman's face while he was knocked out so he knew that he was Bruce Wayne.

Catwoman said, "Lelouch Lamperouge."

The Riddler replied, "I'm guilty of thinking he was Batman too, but I was super wrong."

Poison Ivy asked, "Is Batman's real name Matches Malone?"

The Riddler shook his head and said, "No."

Talia confidently said, "Batman's real name is Bruce Wayne."

The Riddler replied, "You got that question correct." Talia smiled with confidence while Catwoman and Poison Ivy looked upset.

The Riddler said, "Riddle me this: Who is Batman's least favorite member of the Justice League?"

Catwoman asked, "Is it Space Ghost?"

The Riddler sighed and said, "He's not in the Justice League."

Poison Ivy asked, "Is it Inspector Gadget?"

The Riddler facepalmed and said, "Wowsers, what a silly thing to guess."

Talia confidently replied, "Batman's least favorite member of the Justice League is Superman."

The Riddler responded, "Correct." Superman was one of the few people who annoyed Batman more than the Riddler.

The Riddler said, "Riddle me this: Which superhero team does Batman dislike the most?"

Catwoman asked, "Is it the Super Friends?"

The Riddler answered, "Not correct."

Poison Ivy asked, "Is it the Suicide Squad?"

The Riddler was getting angry at Catwoman and Poison Ivy's answers. He felt that they weren't taking this game seriously. He walked up to Poison Ivy and asked, "What kind of a guess is that? The Suicide Squad don't count as superheroes."

Poison Ivy replied, "They saved thousands of people from the Enchantress." The Riddler spent several minutes whining at Catwoman and Poison Ivy. He heard the sounds of chains, but he didn't focus that much on it.

Talia said, "Batman's least favorite superhero team is the Teen Titans."

The Riddler replied, "You got another question right. You're smarter than I thought you'd be." Talia stuck her tongue out at the Riddler. The Riddler said, "Hey, that was a compliment." Talia glared at the Riddler.

The Riddler said, "Riddle me this: What puzzle loving villain has been tricked by his arch-enemy this whole time?" The Riddler looked at the riddle he just said and realized that he didn't write it. He turned around and saw that Batman was free from the chains.

Batman signaled to Catwoman and Poison Ivy to reveal their true identities. The Catwoman and Poison Ivy that were onstage were actually Batgirl and Batwoman. Batman faced the Riddler and said, "I figured out what you were planning. I saw the real Catwoman and Poison Ivy heading towards the TV company too so I had them sent back to Arkham Asylum. I called Talia and had her enter the show so she could free me from the chains while you yelled at the other contestants for giving out bad answers."

The Riddler said, "You're almost as smart as me, but I'm still the winner. I know that you're Bruce Wayne and I announced it to the thousands of people watching this broadcast."

Batman had a smug smile on his face while replying, "You kidnapped the TV crew so you had to get the recording camera ready by yourself. You didn't even press the right button."

The Riddler tried to look dignified while saying, "I could tell all of your friends and enemies about your secret identity."

Talia faced the Riddler and said, "I don't have the same anti-gun policy that my beloved has."

The Riddler nervously sweated and replied, "I'll keep my riddle loving mouth shut about the secret." Batgirl put a pair of handcuffs on Riddler. She and Batwoman started taking Riddler back to Arkham Asylum.

Batman walked up to Talia and said, "Thank you for helping me."

Talia smiled and replied, "I technically won the Riddler's game so I won your heart."

Batman smiled and responded, "A game didn't make you win my heart. I've always loved you." Talia kissed Batman. They had won the Riddler's game, but their biggest victory was winning each other's hearts.


End file.
